Politics has become the art of doing anything to win, and at its highest level there is no shame. Lots of guys who are incapable of doing anything constructive with their lives make tons of money creating garbage like that Swiftboat Veterans For Truth ad. Their purpose in life is similar those little sea creatures that attach themselves to a big fish and nibble away at dead skin.
Well, I’ve come up with a way to join them in riding the gravy train.
Every day we see horrific tragedies with great campaign potential. But they go largely unused for political gain. Well, show me da money, cuz it’s time to change that.
The plan is simple. You set up a business called Soul For Sale, Inc. that hires law enforcement agents in each major city. Police agencies often allow officers to moonlight in jobs outside their main one, and these guys are insiders with contacts and early access to info. And given the choice between guarding a sporting event full of drunk a-holes or chilling at home with a police scanner, they’re gonna pick the latter.
So you pay these guys to simply wait for that perfect, big-time tragedy. And when it strikes, your employee springs to action, getting to the scene before the press shows up. He races over to the house where some sicko has been running a sex-slave dungeon. And he plants a Rubio For President sign in the front yard.
Meanwhile, in another city, some guy has just caused a massive, fatal pile-up on the interstate. Your employee hustles to the site and slaps a Clinton For President sticker on his car’s bumper.
The media always show the same image over and over after these events. The bigger the tragedy, the greater the exposure (and your payday). So when your work is done, the subliminal message sinking into the national consciousness becomes: Sex-sickos favor Rubio, daytime drunks love Clinton.
Nibble, nibble, nibble…