How NOT To Let Your Scandal Become A Dud

dudAccording to the Pew Research Center for People and the Press, the majority of  Americans don’t care about the NSA scandal and believe that electronic surveillance for the use of finding terrorists is acceptable. So, for future whistleblowers, here are a set of guidelines to follow before stepping into the spotlight with a new scandal that turns into a dud:

Scandals should include taking down other governments that we don’t like: Very few scandals have the lasting power of Watergate, and honestly in today’s world if Watergate happened, Deep Throat would still be standing in a dark garage, flailing his arms, trying to flag down Woodward and Bernstein. Not only do we maintain a lower morality threshold for our modern-day politicians, but most of us don’t need a secret source to find out about campaign strategies. We can find out everything we need to know on the internet because political campaigns leak their own stuff all the time.  So, if you want a scandal to thrive, make it about a dictator we don’t like and about our under-the-radar support of people trying to overthrow him.  Nothing fans the scandal flames like a guerilla uprising.  This plot might be old, but it has intrigue and exciting secret agent plotlines. Never underestimate the value of a good spy plot that has the potential for a mini-series or feature film. If Hollywood can make money off of it, the scandal will work.      

Scandals should not be high-tech based.   Sure we all love our cellphones, internet and gadgets, but once the news media starts rattling off high-tech terms and interviewing pundits whose expertise is statistics, our eyes glaze over and we tune out the technical talk. For appearance sake, we pretend to be outraged but deep inside we are really wondering if sushi or pizza is best for dinner and who is going to get thrown off of Dancing with the Stars.

Scandals need to be sexy:  Think Bill Clinton or better yet…the Kennedy Brothers.  Okay, they liked the ladies and nobody was more creative than these guys in proving their prowess in the bedroom. And this is why we never forget these men. Sure they brought us economic prosperity, NASA and lots of other important national stuff, but it is their moves in the bedroom that make them endearing forever.

There ya go! If you are a would-be or newbie whistleblower, follow these guidelines, and you too can create a scandal of epic proportions. You might become a hero or more important, they might make a movie about you starring Tom Cruise or Matt Damon or maybe even Justin Timberlake.  Wouldn’t that be cool!  Remember, there is no sense being a snitch if you don’t get famous or rich for your trouble.

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7 thoughts on “How NOT To Let Your Scandal Become A Dud”

  1. In other words, the next scandal should be about the CIA taking out an evil dictator using arsenic (old tried and true, non-technical method) while he’s out propositioning prostitutes?

    Would that pass the test?

  2. You’re totally right on these! Most people don’t care about the scandal, probably because they don’t understand it. Lord knows I don’t!

    And there is nothing sexy about the government seeing the texts between me and my dry cleaner about how it’s unacceptable they can’t get ketchup out of silk.

    High profile and sexy stuff right there…

  3. Pizza is best for dinner and Mario mentioned something called a Kardashian? If that’s not getting thrown of Dancing with the Bears, can we get it on the show, just so we can throw it off?

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