Not Funny At All

I know this is supposed to be a humor column. But what I’m about to reveal is far too important to be left unsaid. Bear with me for a moment. Okay, here goes.

Ya know those drone strikes? Ya know how we take out a “Number-Two” guy somewhere and another guy shows up to take his place? If it seems to you that it’s kind of like cutting the lawn, you’re right. You mow the yard and it looks great, so you relax. But a week later it looks like hell. It’s once again wild and invasive. It’s threatening.

Well, the government is reporting that we just mowed the global lawn once again. Apparently, we’ve just taken out the 20^th (or maybe it’s the 21^st) “Number Two” guy in Pakistan. But there’s an itsy-bitsy little fact that the government is leaving out.

The guy is an American. And he’s none other than the actor Steven Seagal.

I used to think the far-right was like the guy I saw in an intersection a few weeks ago. The poor soul was standing in the middle of the road, ranting and raving at a threat only he could see. But as the four cars at the intersection slowly crept around him, none of us thought to wonder “What if he’s right and we’re wrong?”

Well, the far-righters are right. Going after Seagal is only the first step. After that, the government is coming for the rest of us. Yes, life does imitate art. We are all Marked For Death.