Edward Snowden, the former technical assistant for the CIA who has leaked details of a top-secret National Security Agency program, has now dropped a second bombshell allegation.
Many had long suspected what Snowden first reported, which was that the NSA had practically unfettered access to millions of Americans’ phone records and internet traffic. But now he’s making an even more damning accusation.
“Dentists have been involved in a systematic effort to take pictures of your teeth with a magical camera that sees through skin. It’s true. Most likely during one of your recent dental examinations, the dentist or hygienist probably secretly took these magic pictures while you were minding your own business wearing a lead vest and drooling on uncomfortable waxy cardboard pieces. With these pictures, they can form a complete set of information that details even the location of your most intimate cavities.”
Dentists are now scrambling to defend their actions. Spokesman for the National Dental Association, Christopher Good, admits that such cameras do exist and did not deny that dentists are using them, though he claims that “it’s for our own good”. “If you don’t have any cavities or anything, you really have nothing to worry about,” said Good.
Snowden disagrees and says that this is just another incremental step in the erosion of our most sacred liberties. “Next time the dentist mentions that it’s pretty cold in the office and you should wear a lead blanket, don’t fall for it. You need to find another dentist who can work on your teeth without these devices.”
Those magical pictures look like something from an alien spaceship. Maybe the NSA is in contact with the aliens and are working with them to find the evil humans.