Now that we know the NSA has been listening in on our cell phone conversations, it seems they no longer feel the need to keep their presence a secret. As a matter of fact, they keep calling me. Here are some of the things the NSA called to tell me:
Stop greeting people with “Sup, dawg” cause it sounds stupid when a white dude says it.
My nasty talk leaves a lot to be desired.
I should switch from Verizon to T-Mobile.
They were feeling insecure and could I tell them they look pretty.
She’s just not that into you.
Stop taking so many pictures of my dog with my iPhone.
Ross and Rachel end up together. (Apparently they’re a little behind on their intel.)
Could I get half pepperoni on the pizza I’m ordering? Pepperoni gives them gas.
They’re wearing a pink polka dot dress today and would like to be called Britney.
The ending of Man of Steel. (Damn, those guys are dicks sometimes.)