The Ungodly Work of Girl Scout Cookies

By: Elizabeth K

Just when you think we have hit our limit of right wing  Looney Toons another one flies out of his cage to prove us wrong.  Ultra conservative Christian radio show host Kevin Swanson has a new target for his perverted wrath: Girl Scout cookies. Why? Because the cookies  weave a spell that make the female sex act ungodly.

Well, to be fair, it’s not just the cookies’ fault. It’s the entire Girl Scout organization. Yep,  Swanson says girl scout cookies are just tools used by the nefarious organization to spread their agenda aimed at destroying the traditional woman role.  He thinks the entire goal of the cookies and the Girl Scouts is to inspire women to adopt lax moral standards which he defines as lesbianism, pro-choice views, the use of birth control, and of course, independent thought.

I bet you are waiting for me to jump on the Nazi’s…er…I mean the reverend’s words, but I am not.  I agree with him;  those cookies are bewitching.  Those damn thin mints bring about an unparalleled  feeling of ungodly euphoria  in me especially when I freeze them and dip them into hot cocoa.  And I am not the only woman who loves the feeling those cookies bring. So, maybe Swanson has a point. Maybe those cookies do have power, and if they do possess power, then maybe the organization has power to change the way little girls view the world. Maybe those cookies do give women and future women the confidence to try new things and think about what is best for their lives without worrying about the approval of men… bad, bad cookies!

So, what should we do about it?  Well, frankly, I think hypocritical preachers like Kevin Swanson should be dipped into thin mint batter and frozen for about a year.  Maybe by the time he finally thaws out, this misogynist will  have learned a thing or two about the value of women and the value of teaching young women that they are not the subjects of misguided men like himself and his whackadoodle flock.

If we can’t legally dip him into chocolate and freeze him, I say we do it metaphorically and freeze out his entire flock through his radio show.  If anyone wants to tell the reverend just how ridiculous he is,  here is his show’s  website:    Maybe we can all just send him a box of Girl Scout cookies. If the cookies are that powerful, maybe one bite will change his mind or miraculously make him want to be a woman.  Now, that would be the definition of irony.

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12 thoughts on “The Ungodly Work of Girl Scout Cookies”

  1. Well, if the good reverend and his flock refuse to buy Girl Scout cookies, that just leaves more Thin Mints for the rest of us.

  2. What scares me is that more than a few people probably listen to this idiot but how cool would it be if Swanson’s swan song was that he was in fact a girlie all along?

  3. What do you think would happen if he knocked off a few dozen Girl Scout cookies? Do you suppose he would turn into a reasonable, educated and intelligent girl? It might be worth a try.

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