I made it to the office by 9 a.m. I got so involved in my work I didn’t check the clock for the first time until 9:01. Today is flying by.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2013
I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want to destroy it in a flash flood and wash the debris out to sea.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2013
That pink camouflage outfit should come in handy if you ever need to stalk a deer in a cotton candy factory.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2013
I told my wife I want positive reinforcement during sex so she started the slow clap.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2013
I can accurately summarize almost all of my best stories as “Vodka. The end.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2013
Yes, I agree with the pink camouflage. Perhaps our female soldiers would want to adopt it because everyone should look cute when they are trying to blend in.
Cute camouflage is better than good camouflage. There’s no point in hiding from bullets if you’re just going to die from the embarrassment of wearing drab-colored fatigues.