Wife: Don’t take this wrong but I hate you & I hope you die.
Me: How else could I take that?
Her: I didn’t want you to think I was kidding
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2013
Me: “My face belongs on TV.”
My wife: “Only if you’re on the news because they find your body somewhere.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2013
I have a delete button for my memories. It’s called vodka.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2013
My 1-year-old took my phone and called my dad early in the morning. He panicked and thought someone died. My kid is a prank call prodigy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2013
I hope this popped collar trend never goes away. I like being able to identify douchebags from a distance.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 23, 2013
James your stuff always make me laugh out loud!!
Thanks!