Corvette Museum Sinkhole: Possible Theories

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/massive-sinkhole-swallows-vintage-corvettes-n28416

A giant sinkhole opened up to swallow eight Corvettes in the Bowling Green, Kentucky Corvette Museum.

Bowling Green is where General Motors makes the Corvette.

Visitors inside the museum reported the sinkhole let out a huge belch and exclaimed “Me like fiberglass. Vettes are yummy. Arrrghhhh!”

I don’t want to go all grammar policelike on Mr. Sinkie, but y’know “Me like?” On second thought I’ll just shut up because I may wish to set foot in Florida one day and his sinkhole buddies might be lurking and waiting for me. Plus, far be it from me to accuse the big guy of being some type of pirate? Arrrghhh?

Anyway, all kidding aside, what caused this – a sinkhole to open up in Bowling Green, Kentucky, at the Corvette Museum? We’ve quickly collected theories:

1) The Devil Was Trying to Get to Georgia for a fiddle contest and it was way, way colder than expected so he came up and out further north. This is a plausible theory which makes sense when I take ‘shrooms and listen to Charlie Daniels.

2) The One-And-Done Theory. Kentucky influence on this one based on John Calipari tendency to collect the best young talent and then send eight of them on to bigger and better things.  Certain ‘Vettes like to think they’re ready for the big time also, no need to spend more than one season with these other guys.

3) Two Many “inos” at One School. Kentucky influence again, this time Louisville. It’s quite enough if you have one carousing back-table bingo coach at your school which Louisville had in Rick Pitino BUT when you add another carousing coach with a similar name in Bobby Petrino you tempt fate. Maybe enough to make the earth open up and swallow the vary cars mistresses of these coaches would like to tool around in. We could add a tag line to that but it would just be…. dirty.

4) Dinosaurs Stomping @ the Creationist Museum. We had forgotten about the brontos walking with Jesus at the down-the-road Creationist museum. What if these guys went out for a walk just to calm down after that Bill Nye/Ken Ham debate. Some of these dinosaurs could have been mighty prickly over some of the stuff Bill Nye said. What if they put their feet down in a disgusted way and it affected terra firma clear over in Bowling green?

5) Total Collection of Compensated Penises Piling Up. We don’t know how many 1000’s of Corvettes were in this museum but if each Corvette has to be accompanied by the tiny penis of it’s driver that could still be a buttload of tiny penises. Enough so, their total collected weight might affect the foundation of the museum. Plausible.

6) Former Kentucky Quarterback Jerad Lorenzen. Yes, he’s been in the NFL (Giants, how apropos) and yes, he’s in the Arena League but we heard last week he was allowed to visit and enter the Corvette Museum. Has you seen Mr. Lorenzen lately? They won’t let him in Georgia because he blocks the Sun from melting the snow. Yet, they let him in the museum. They let him walk in, they didn’t even put him on an all-terrain vehicle.  I heard he was even allowed to squeeze his body into one of the Vettes. Yes, they did remove the doors.  If all this is true, it is just the type of careless activity that can sink a Museum.  In case you don’t remember a couple of years ago Lorenzen was allowed to visit Branson and the Titanic Museum. We don’t have to remind you what happened there.