Shirley Temple Black died at 85. The former child star didn’t spend her adult life in the tabloids or rehab. Your move, Lindsay Lohan.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 12, 2014
Canadians are the nicest people in the world. Unless you insult hockey. Then they’ll murder your entire family.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 12, 2014
Skinny jeans are the best way to show the ladies you’re packing the full two inches.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 12, 2014
What I thought: Your aroma takes me back to the carefree days of my childhood. What I said: You smell like Play-Doh. Compliments are hard.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 13, 2014
Alcohol doesn’t make me brave. It makes me too dumb to be afraid. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to do six guitar solos and the worm.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 12, 2014
You are right about Canadians and hockey. Even if your family survives, you will end up looking like a hockey player…no teeth.
Shirley Temple Black might have been a conservative Republican, but she was still a pretty cool person.