Unicorn Bites #585

Me: Hold my hand when we cross the road 4-year-old: That’s not safe Me: Why? 4: If a car hits you, I won’t be able to jump out of the way — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) […]

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Unicorn Bites #569

[in church] 4-year-old: *makes lightsaber noises* Wife: Stop. Me: I’ll handle this. *takes kid to the cry room* *has a lightsaber duel* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2014 Me: I’m 29. Do you know […]

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Unicorn Bites #567

Me: I love you. 4-year-old: Me: This is the part where you say, “I love you, too.” 4: I wish you were a kangaroo. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2014 4-year-old: How come not […]

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Unicorn Bites #566

4-year-old: Can I get out of timeout? Me: What did you learn? 4: Don’t get caught. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2014 Judge: On the charge of murder, how do you plead? Me: He […]

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