Unicorn Bites #589
4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015 Anyone who puts in […]
Tag: four year old
Unicorn Bites #570
Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 25, 2014 4-year-old: You’re my hero. […]
Unicorn Bites #569
[in church] 4-year-old: *makes lightsaber noises* Wife: Stop. Me: I’ll handle this. *takes kid to the cry room* *has a lightsaber duel* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2014 Me: I’m 29. Do you know […]
Unicorn Bites #567
Me: I love you. 4-year-old: Me: This is the part where you say, “I love you, too.” 4: I wish you were a kangaroo. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2014 4-year-old: How come not […]
Unicorn Bites #566
4-year-old: Can I get out of timeout? Me: What did you learn? 4: Don’t get caught. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2014 Judge: On the charge of murder, how do you plead? Me: He […]
Unicorn Bites #565
Me: *hugs 4-year-old* I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. 4-year-old: I’d trade you for pizza. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2014 Me: What’s wrong? 4-year-old: I wish everything was made out […]
Unicorn Bites #560
Wife: Do I need to wear makeup today? Me: Nah. Nobody’s going to look at you Wife: Me: I mean you’re pretty without it Wife: Nailed it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2014 /blockquote>< […]
Unicorn Bites #558
I asked my 4-year-old to draw a chicken. She drew four nuggets and a bottle of ketchup. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014 Me: I did the dishes. Wife: You put one cup in […]
Unicorn Bites #557
Relationship status: I sent my wife a Facebook invite to a party in my pants. She chose “will not attend.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014 Me: I meant to do that. Wife: You […]
Unicorn Bites #555
Me: Time to get out of bed. 4-year-old: Why? At the end of the day, I’ll just get back in it. Me: 4: Me: *goes back to bed* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2014 […]