Relationship status: I sent my wife a Facebook invite to a party in my pants. She chose “will not attend.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014
Me: I meant to do that. Wife: You meant to turn a cartwheel attempt into a back flop that broke the coffee table? Me: Wife: Me: Ta da!
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
Me: Want to come with me to pick up Chinese food? 4-year-old: No! Me: Why not? 4: I don’t want to drive to China.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014
Me: You only eat chicken nuggets. 2-year-old: No I don’t. Me: 2: I eat chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs, too. Touché.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014
I call it crafting a better reality using the powers of the human imagination. My wife calls it lying.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 11, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/18/14: pic.twitter.com/arm2ku8OJC
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) October 5, 2014