Unicorn Bites #565

Me: *hugs 4-year-old* I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. 4-year-old: I’d trade you for pizza. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2014 Me: What’s wrong? 4-year-old: I wish everything was made out […]
Me: *hugs 4-year-old* I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. 4-year-old: I’d trade you for pizza. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2014 Me: What’s wrong? 4-year-old: I wish everything was made out […]
Dear strangers, Stop telling my pregnant wife she has a “bun in the oven.” It makes her hungry and then I have to buy buns. Sincerely, Me — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014 Women […]
My 1-year-old daughter said, “awesome,” and then put up her hand for a high-five. Apparently I’m raising a bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 Bad news would be easier to take if doctors […]
My 1-year-old is learning to give a high-five, but she’s unclear on where her hand should land. She basically just slaps people in the face. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2013 I […]