Unicorn Bites 8/8/14

Wife: I think I’m a very forgiving person Me: You stabbed me over paint Wife: Next time learn the difference between eggshell & off white. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 8, 2014 [4-year-old daughter talks […]

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Unicorn Bites 2/23/14

My 1-year-old daughter said, “awesome,” and then put up her hand for a high-five. Apparently I’m raising a bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 Bad news would be easier to take if doctors […]

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Unicorn Bites 1/2/14

My wife gives our 1-year-old constant love and attention. I gave her the sticker from an orange. Now I’m her favorite parent. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 2, 2014 Sir Mix-a-Lot: "I like […]

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Unicorn Bites 12/26/13

Me: Where’s Ken? 3-year-old daughter: He broke up with Barbie. Then a T. rex ate him. I pity any boy who ever dates my little girl. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 26, 2013 […]

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