Valentine’s Day — Say It With Chickens!
At some point in the relationship, every man I’ve ever gone out with has looked at me sadly and concluded “You aren’t very romantic, are you?” I am not. I am loving and funny and […]
Author: Roz Warren
Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.
My Resolutions For YOU in 2019
Every year I make New Year’s resolutions and every year I break them. So this year, I’m trying something different – resolutions for other people. Hey world – here are the changes I’d like to […]
I Am Not Like All the Rest: Funny Lines From Dating Profiles
After becoming single at age 62, I joined an online dating site. After a year of perusing profiles and meeting men for coffee, staying single is starting to look better and better to me. But […]
Breakfast, Conception and Divorce: What I Learned from Magazines This Week
Ten percent of Europeans were conceived in an Ikea bed. (Time 2/12/18) Life expectancy in the US is actually going down. (Time, 2/12/18) Centenarians rarely skip breakfast. (Time 2/26/18) Princess […]
WELCOME TO YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY – PLEASE TAKE YOUR DILDOS WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE!
A librarian pal recently posted the following question on a Facebook group for librarians: “If there were a sign that prohibited the craziest, oddest or grossest thing that has happened at your library, what would […]
From Bacon To Meth: The World’s Weirdest Bookmarks
When you work in a library, you soon learn that patrons can make use of some rather unlikely things to mark their places as they read, which they’ll often forget to remove when the books […]
Nursery Rhymes For The NRA
By: Janet Golden and Roz Warren Awhile back, the NRA rewrote a number of Grimm’s fairy tales to include guns. In their version of Little Red Riding Hood, for instance, Red is packing heat. […]
Want To See A Photo Of My Grandson? Of Course You Do!
At the airport recently, I fell into a conversation with a fellow my age as we waited for our plane to board. Within two minutes we’d pulled out our smartphones and were showing each […]
Come For The Great Gatsby, Stay For The Sardines
Library patrons often bring coffee, soda or chips to the library where I work to snack on. But some patrons nosh on more surprising things. For instance? Here are a few of the food items […]
Want To Rob A Bank With Me?
My smart phone has a feature that allows you to scan in your thumb print, after which it will recognize your thumb and unlock itself so you don’t have to enter your password each time […]