Dear strangers, Stop telling my pregnant wife she has a “bun in the oven.” It makes her hungry and then I have to buy buns. Sincerely, Me
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014
Women like men with expensive sports cars because those guys have already proven they blow money on stuff just because it’s pretty.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014
“It’s nobody’s fault.”—the guy who’s definitely at fault
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014
3-year-old: Can I give you a high-five? Me: Sure. 3: *slaps my face* She’s got half the concept down.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014
Pregnant wife: My cravings aren’t bad Me: You only watch Food Network W: So? Me: You licked the TV W: It could be anyone’s tongue print
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 3, 2014
