Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Buffalo Bills fans, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Buffalo Bills fans enraged by ‘outrageous’ ticket costs at new stadium — where cheapest seats are $700
While I hear the Mets will pay you that to go to a game.
92% people type things into ‘Goggle’ to see if they spelled them correctly
Hold on, let me Goggel that.
France records its hottest day ever as Europe withers in early heat wave
In fact, it was so hot in Paris that tourists are asking for directions just for the cold shoulder.
Trump’s Great American State Fair opens with melted ice cream, empty booths
Damn you, Obama.
TikTok creator Serena Neel fills swimming pool with 50,000 pickles for viral world-record bid
Maybe it’s me, but the whole thing doesn’t sound kosher.
Happy 57th birthday, Ice Cube
You’re nearing the age where your name should be ‘Ice Pack.’
M&M’s to remove artificial dyes, eliminate brown and blue colors
No word if they were considered DEI M&Ms …
California comedian Carlos Mencia gives very pointed message in court after tax cheat charges
In fairness, it worked when Wesley Snipes said it first.
Madonna reveals she chose romantic partners ‘based on whether they had bathtubs’
… No wonder her relationships always seem so draining.
Obama Center’s opening draws former presidents, music legends and A-list celebrities
Clearly, Trump’s gonna need a lot of ketchup.
Former Fed Chief Alan Greenspan dies at 100
Ironically, interest is low.
Catholic archdiocese fires prominent exorcist after out-of-this-world claim about demons
Guess ‘the devil made me do it’ isn’t the excuse it used to be.
White House UFC event cost $60M, plus labor from 7 federal agencies
So, the equivalent of a 1/2 tank of 91 grade and a couple of T-bones.
Young adults avoiding buying starter homes
Instead … opting for starter basements in their parent’s homes.