Daddy vs. the Smoke Alarm

My father, usually a reasonable man, had an uneasy relationship with inanimate objects that crossed him. Once after banging his head on a car door frame, he beat the top of the car repeatedly with […]
My father, usually a reasonable man, had an uneasy relationship with inanimate objects that crossed him. Once after banging his head on a car door frame, he beat the top of the car repeatedly with […]
This week we had such fun playing Mom vs. Dad on Humoroutcasts Radio. And what better contestants than Tim Jones author of YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE: Misguided Parenting Strategies That Sounded Good at the Time […]
My recent Google searches: calories burned sitting calories burned chewing gum calories burned vigorously chewing gum pie recipes — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2014 2-year-old: *mumbles* Me: What did she say? 4-year-old: She said […]
My dad stops by almost every morning to have a cup of coffee and enlighten me on some matter of life, whether it be how they manufacture bolts, to how to study for a test, […]
My 3-year-old daughter thinks I can turn invisible and catch her when she’s bad. I hope she still believes that when she’s dating. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 6, 2014 3-year-old daughter: *watches a chick-flick […]
My 3-year-old asks me “Why?” 10,000 times a day, so, no, I don’t think I’d crack under torture. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2014 Me:*wakes up 3-year-old* 3: How old do I have to […]
Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you been saved by Jesus? Me: Can he save me from this conversation? Him: *leaves* Me: Praise the Lord! — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014 Miley Cyrus is an inspiration […]
Malaysia Airlines is going to be so embarrassed if it had all its planes this whole time and somebody just miscounted. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014 Some people actually look up to the […]
Detective: I found the murder weapon. *holds up kindness* Rookie cop: You mean she killed him with… Detective: Yep Rookie: *throws up* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 3-year-old: Do you have a mat […]