Unicorn Bites 2/23/14
My 1-year-old daughter said, “awesome,” and then put up her hand for a high-five. Apparently I’m raising a bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 Bad news would be easier to take if doctors […]
My 1-year-old daughter said, “awesome,” and then put up her hand for a high-five. Apparently I’m raising a bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2014 Bad news would be easier to take if doctors […]
What my kids use as a trampoline: 1) the couch 2) the bed 3) me if I lie down What they don’t use as a trampoline: 1) our trampoline — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, […]
3-year-old: *spreads her arms* I love you this much. Me: You love me 3 feet? I’m 6’2”. You love half of me. 3: Me: I GAVE YOU LIFE — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January […]
Is it “for fuck’s sake” or “for fuck sake?” I need it to be grammatically correct because it’s my turn to say grace at Thanksgiving. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2013 3-year-old: […]
I’d be the best character in any horror movie. *sees something supernatural* *drives away and never comes back* *lives forever* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013 I swerved to avoid a stray […]
My metabolism gives me exactly two options when I eat: I can be hungry, or I can be fat, with nothing in between. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2013 “Magnum” is the […]
Dear Lord, please give me the strength and the talent to act surprised when my husband and kids bring me breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day with a menu of extra cheese omelet, strawberry yogurt […]
This week, I was lucky enough to have my parents visit us. It has been a long time since they made the treks, so I wanted everything to be perfect. It’s funny about parents. […]