The Fart Primer

pintobeans

Our schools teach us how to solve quadratic equations. Our schools teach us how to compose essays on 19th-century English literature. They do not teach real-life survival skills. Specifically, they do not point out what […]

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Salami and Eggs and UFOs

American Entree SALAMI AND EGGS INGREDIENTS 3 ⅓” thick slices Hebrew NationalTM salami 2 eggs ¼ teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vegetable oil 1 teaspoon deli mustard (optional) Makes 1 plate. Takes 10 minutes. PREPARATION Make […]

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Omelette Aux Fines Herbes and How to Avoid Bad Sex

French Breakfast OMELETTE AUX FINES HERBES INGREDIENTS 12 eggs 2½ tablespoons fresh chervil* 3 tablespoons fresh chives* 2 tablespoons fresh parsley* 1 tablespoon fresh tarragon* 4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 tablespoon per omelette.) * = […]

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Bangladeshi Chicken Pilaf and Egg Time Travel

Bangladeshi Entree MOROG POLAO (Chicken pilaf) INGREDIENTS 4 chicken breasts 1 medium onion 1 ounce cashew nuts 4 large garlic cloves 1½ ounces ginger root 1 tablespoon poppy seeds 1 teaspoon cardamom ¾ teaspoon chili […]

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Danish Egg Cake and Rabbit-Jumping Contests

Danish Entree EGG CAKE (æggekage) INGREDIENTS 12 ounces bacon 1/2 small onion ¼ cup fresh basil 8 eggs ¼ cup flour 1½ cups milk ¼ teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon salt no-stick spray SPECIAL UTENSILS electric […]

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I want to share my guiding light with the world and they refuse to let it shine.

I’ve been trying to get them to film me in a TED Talk but they ain’t biting and it’s just not on. I want to share my guiding light with the world and they refuse […]

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Portuguese Easter Bread and Epic Poetry

Portuguese Entree EASTER BREAD INGREDIENTS 3 eggs (11 more eggs later!) 1 1/4 cups milk ½ cup butter (1 teaspoon more later) 1 1/4 cups sugar 1 ½ tablespoons yeast ½ teaspoon aniseed 1/4 teaspoon […]

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