The Fart Primer
Our schools teach us how to solve quadratic equations. Our schools teach us how to compose essays on 19th-century English literature. They do not teach real-life survival skills. Specifically, they do not point out what […]
Tag: eggs
Salami and Eggs and UFOs
American Entree SALAMI AND EGGS INGREDIENTS 3 ⅓” thick slices Hebrew NationalTM salami 2 eggs ¼ teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vegetable oil 1 teaspoon deli mustard (optional) Makes 1 plate. Takes 10 minutes. PREPARATION Make […]
Omelette Aux Fines Herbes and How to Avoid Bad Sex
French Breakfast OMELETTE AUX FINES HERBES INGREDIENTS 12 eggs 2½ tablespoons fresh chervil* 3 tablespoons fresh chives* 2 tablespoons fresh parsley* 1 tablespoon fresh tarragon* 4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 tablespoon per omelette.) * = […]
Bangladeshi Chicken Pilaf and Egg Time Travel
Bangladeshi Entree MOROG POLAO (Chicken pilaf) INGREDIENTS 4 chicken breasts 1 medium onion 1 ounce cashew nuts 4 large garlic cloves 1½ ounces ginger root 1 tablespoon poppy seeds 1 teaspoon cardamom ¾ teaspoon chili […]
Unicorn Bites #522
4-year-old: There’s a shark in my closet. Me: He’d die without water 4: Then he’s a ghost shark Me: *stays the hell away from the closet* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2014 Therapist: Before […]
Danish Egg Cake and Rabbit-Jumping Contests
Danish Entree EGG CAKE (æggekage) INGREDIENTS 12 ounces bacon 1/2 small onion ¼ cup fresh basil 8 eggs ¼ cup flour 1½ cups milk ¼ teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon salt no-stick spray SPECIAL UTENSILS electric […]
I want to share my guiding light with the world and they refuse to let it shine.
I’ve been trying to get them to film me in a TED Talk but they ain’t biting and it’s just not on. I want to share my guiding light with the world and they refuse […]
Portuguese Easter Bread and Epic Poetry
Portuguese Entree EASTER BREAD INGREDIENTS 3 eggs (11 more eggs later!) 1 1/4 cups milk ½ cup butter (1 teaspoon more later) 1 1/4 cups sugar 1 ½ tablespoons yeast ½ teaspoon aniseed 1/4 teaspoon […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please give me the strength and the talent to act surprised when my husband and kids bring me breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day with a menu of extra cheese omelet, strawberry yogurt […]