I’ve got this, boss…
Tag: boss
Unicorn Bites #589
4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015 Anyone who puts in […]
Unicorn Bites #531
Boss: Why is your 5-year plan just a blank page with “wing it” written in purple crayon? Me: I couldn’t find my red one. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2014 I believe in giving […]
Unicorn Bites #522
4-year-old: There’s a shark in my closet. Me: He’d die without water 4: Then he’s a ghost shark Me: *stays the hell away from the closet* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2014 Therapist: Before […]
Unicorn Bites 8/15/14
Me: In conclusion dinosaur tails prevented doggy style so T. rex had to do it missionary Him: Sir, place your order or leave the drive thru — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2014 Me: If […]
Unicorn Bites 8/9/14
4-year-old daughter: Dad, can I put nail polish on your fingers? Me: Do I look like a girl to you? 4: Me: 4: I’ll start with your pinkie — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 7/9/14
Boss: How long were you in the bathroom? Me: Not long. Boss: The motion-sensing lights shut off on you. Me: I noticed that when I woke up — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2014 What […]
Unicorn Bites 7/4/14
[firework goes off] 2-year-old: *screams in terror* Wife: She hates it. Pick her up. Me: I don’t hold communists. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 5, 2014 Today we’re driving across four states with three kids […]
Unicorn Bites 6/9/14
4-year-old: *knocks on bathroom door* Where are you? Me: In the bathroom 4: What are you doing? Me: What do you think? 4: Hiding. Bingo — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2014 4-year-old: Is Mommy […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please try to explain to my boss via this memo that it’s not appropriate to point and laugh at my name tag while we’re in a staff meeting. It’s not polite, proper behavior […]