4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015 Anyone who puts in […]
My 2-year-old just shouted, “What the hell?!” I’d be mad, but she said it when we ran out of Cheez-Its, so it seemed appropriate. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2014 4-year-old: Why don’t you […]
3-year-old: Why’d you shave your beard? Me: I’m a rugged, independent man who bucks trends & craves change. 3: Did Mom make you? Me: Yes. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014 I’m not addicted […]
Wife: Your beard is ugly. Shave it off. Me:*shaves it off* Wife: Never mind. The problem is your face. I get it, single people. I get it. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 27, 2014 3-year-old: […]
Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2013 Me: What do […]
Most people (especially historians) underestimate the importance of facial hair in history. For instance, Hitler’s mustache allowed him to conquer most of Europe, while the hairless Winston Churchill didn’t even try. Of course, Stalin’s far-bushier […]
I walked into the office and was immediately escorted off the premises by 2 guys that I have known for the last 13 years. To make matters worse, I was the best man at one […]
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.