Unicorn Bites #544

4-year-old: What’s hope? Me: The first stage of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2014 How women plan a party: 1) Pick a theme 2) Make decorations 3) Cook festive foods How men plan […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/15/14

My 4-year-old and 2-year-old just clinked their plastic cereal bowls together and said, “Cheers.” My kids are classy as fuck. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 15, 2014 Me: Clean your room. 4-year-old: Me: What’s wrong […]

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Unicorn Bites 6/15/14

I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 15, 2014 4-year-old: Do you want to hear how loud I can […]

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