Bill Y "The Legendary Legend" LeddenI can't say I'm brilliant until I get this duct tape off my mouth!More Posts - Twitter
Saturday was my birthday. I wanted wine and song. My daughter called from Ireland to wish me a grand year, and suggested I check the internet machine for our local beloved troubadour to see where…
Me: What do bunnies eat? 4-year-old: Grass. Me: What do lions eat? 4: Meat. Me: What do eagles eat? 4: Freedom. Damn right. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014 4-year-old: Why aren’t we driving?…
A woman at work said she believes in biblical marriage, so I bought her from her father for nine goats. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2014 My 4-year-old asked what drunk means. I said…
Lisa NewlinLisa is a humor writer who plays an unconvincing lawyer in year life. She prefers dogs to most people, and food over most everything. Her blog, http://lisanewlin.com will make you feel better about your…
4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you wear makeup? Me: Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy. 4: Do you like to be ugly? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2014 4-year-old: Will you buy me…
My stages of drunk: 1) I don’t feel buzzed. 2) I’m drunk, but I’ll pretend I’m not. 3) Fuck it. I’m wearing a kilt. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 4, 2014 Me: I DON’T HAVE…
Me: I know everything. Ask me any question. 3-year-old: How do airplanes work? Me: Magic. Next question. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014 I always knew I’d end up drunk in a gutter. I…
Last night Americans held a big party to celebrate the fact that their nation is now 2,014 years old. But today is the day we get serious and make our New Year’s Resolutions. One year…
My daughter got a book about eating healthy from a McDonald’s Happy Meal. That’s kind of like getting a lecture on being nice from Al-Qaeda. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2013 My kids can’t…
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