Big shout out to this drunk dude who prevented Jill Y from catching the bouquet…
Tag: drunk
One should always be drunk. That’s all that matters… Charles Baudelaire
Saturday was my birthday. I wanted wine and song. My daughter called from Ireland to wish me a grand year, and suggested I check the internet machine for our local beloved troubadour to see where […]
Unicorn Bites #530
Me: What do bunnies eat? 4-year-old: Grass. Me: What do lions eat? 4: Meat. Me: What do eagles eat? 4: Freedom. Damn right. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014 4-year-old: Why aren’t we driving? […]
Unicorn Bites 9/2/14
A woman at work said she believes in biblical marriage, so I bought her from her father for nine goats. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2014 My 4-year-old asked what drunk means. I said […]
Unicorn Bites 7/10/14
4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you wear makeup? Me: Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy. 4: Do you like to be ugly? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2014 4-year-old: Will you buy me […]
Unicorn Bites 5/4/14
My stages of drunk: 1) I don’t feel buzzed. 2) I’m drunk, but I’ll pretend I’m not. 3) Fuck it. I’m wearing a kilt. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 4, 2014 Me: I DON’T HAVE […]
Unicorn Bites 1/23/14
Me: I know everything. Ask me any question. 3-year-old: How do airplanes work? Me: Magic. Next question. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014 I always knew I’d end up drunk in a gutter. I […]
A New Challenge For A New Year
Last night Americans held a big party to celebrate the fact that their nation is now 2,014 years old. But today is the day we get serious and make our New Year’s Resolutions. One year […]
Unicorn Bites 12/15/13
My daughter got a book about eating healthy from a McDonald’s Happy Meal. That’s kind of like getting a lecture on being nice from Al-Qaeda. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2013 My […]