Me: What do bunnies eat? 4-year-old: Grass. Me: What do lions eat? 4: Meat. Me: What do eagles eat? 4: Freedom. Damn right.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
4-year-old: Why aren’t we driving? Me: There’s a crash blocking us. 4: They should crash somewhere else. She gets her compassion from me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
Coworker: This weekend I was drunk as a skunk. Me: So you were completely sober? Him: Me: Skunks can’t even buy beer. They don’t have IDs
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
2-year-old: *points to baby sister* That’s a baby. Me: That’s right. 2: It’s not a horse. Me: 2: Me: 2: Me: That’s factual, I guess.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
There is nothing more dangerous than a man wearing a fanny pack. He clearly gives zero fucks about anything.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/22/14: pic.twitter.com/HahDntJvXk
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 7, 2014