Posts Tagged ‘ party ’

Dogs vs. Holiday Meals: Fa-La-La-La-Laaa, La, Aach! Haauk! Blaarf!

December 19, 2018
By

In this festive season of holiday parties, bountiful meals, and homemade cookies embellished with those silver ball-bearing things, take comfort knowing that your canines are in the dog park, plotting. ENGLISH SHEEPDOG: “OK, everyone! Finish…

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All charged up for the New Year

December 30, 2016
By

When my son was born 13 years ago, my wife and I couldn’t even pay someone large sums of cash we didn’t have to get an invite to a New Year’s Eve party. It was…

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Paul De Lancey Dares Donald Trump to Debate

July 3, 2016
By
button2

Mr. Donald Trump, I am challenging you to a debate. Your path to the White House is through me and the Bacon & Chocolate Party. Since this vibrant expression of democracy is my idea, the…

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Unicorn Bites #544

November 10, 2014
By

4-year-old: What’s hope? Me: The first stage of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 29, 2014 How women plan a party: 1) Pick a theme 2) Make decorations 3) Cook festive foods How men plan…

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THE REAL HALLOWEENIE

November 7, 2014
By

I thought I was cool. I really did. I believed the hype I’d been hearing about myself – that I am a fairly happening person – and that I can hang with the kids and…

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Unicorn Bites 5/8/14

May 8, 2014
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Priest: Do you take her until death do you part? Me: Unless she poops with the door open Priest: Me Priest: Me: Priest: Well obviously — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2014 Me: You look…

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Football Sunday Catheterization

January 15, 2014
By
Emergency Laughter

Every beer drinking football fan knows that you don’t buy beer, you just rent it. What goes in, must come out. Are you tired of missing game winning plays on TV because you’re standing over a…

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Unicorn Bites 12/29/13

December 29, 2013
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Unicorn Bites 12/29/13

Women are hard to read. The same polite smile can mean “I’m happy” or “I’m going to hit you with my car.” — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 29, 2013 My wife and kids are out…

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Unicorn Bites 11/8/13

November 8, 2013
By
Unicorn Bites 11/8/13

3-year-old: “What’s the opposite of a horse?” Me: “I have no idea.” 3: “A taco!” Kids are basically random word generators. — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2013 When Jennifer Aniston cuts her hair, it…

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Mrs. Blur is going to a party and it’s a party she will never forget

Mrs. Blur is going to a party and it’s a party she will never forget

Diane Frances Blur is a sweet, elderly lady from somewhere. Mark Francis Blur is Diane’s grandson. Todd de Liar is Mark’s friend from school. Mark showed Diane how to use Google Maps. Diane found the…

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