What was the point in making your car louder, bro? Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
Not to brag, but I know how to please a woman. All I have to do is stay as far away from her as possible.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
4-year-old: Why can’t people fly? Me: We don’t have wings. 4: Me: 4: What if I swallow a big balloon?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
4-year-old: Look how high I can jump! Me: Your feet didn’t even leave the ground. 4: I didn’t want my head to hit the ceiling.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
4-year-old: Why don’t you ride a horse to work? Me: I can’t. 4: Don’t you have a horse license?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
