4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 13, 2015
Anyone who puts in a USB cable the right way on the first try should be burned as a witch.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 15, 2015
The stages of a beard: 1) forgot to shave 2) sexy slacker 3) lumberjack 4) homeless guy 5) scarier homeless guy 6) Duck Dynasty
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 19, 2015
4-year-old: Why do I have to get out of bed when it’s still dark outside? Me: Because the world is a cruel, uncaring place.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 12, 2015
Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 20, 2015
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/19/14: pic.twitter.com/ENJ0ymDNaX
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) December 15, 2014