3-year-old: Why’d you shave your beard? Me: I’m a rugged, independent man who bucks trends & craves change. 3: Did Mom make you? Me: Yes.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014
I’m not addicted to alcohol. Alcohol is addicted to me. Stop being so clingy, vodka.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014
Girl, are you a diamond? Because you’re useless and really expensive.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014
Me: You can’t eat candy for breakfast. 3-year-old: Why? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: *eats candy for breakfast*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014
3-year-old: Do you want my candy? Me: Was it on the floor? 3: No. Me: Was it in your mouth? 3: No. Me: *eats it* 3: The dog licked it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2014