The Place to Take a Humor Break
Over the past 50 years, throughout North America there has been an explosion of reported cases of Kronic Incessant Disorder Syndrome (better known by its acronym, KIDS). No socio-demographic group has been spared by this […]
My 4-year-old daughter wants anything she sees in a commercial. Today I had to explain to her why I can’t get her Viagra. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 23, 2014 Navy recruiter: Any experience at […]
My recent Google searches: calories burned sitting calories burned chewing gum calories burned vigorously chewing gum pie recipes — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2014 2-year-old: *mumbles* Me: What did she say? 4-year-old: She said […]
Parenthood status: I can no longer distinguish between memories from my own life and scenes from “Frozen.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014 I don’t know how you can consider yourself an adult if […]
[firework goes off] 2-year-old: *screams in terror* Wife: She hates it. Pick her up. Me: I don’t hold communists. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 5, 2014 Today we’re driving across four states with three kids […]
The only bad time for cheese is SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH THERE IS NO BAD TIME. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2014 Second marriages: because every good horror movie deserves a sequel — Exploding […]
Me: Do you want a ponytail for our trip to the zoo? 4-year-old: No. A lion will eat it. Safety first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2014 I’ve done a great job educating my […]
4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014 Me: […]
If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014 I stopped caring about fashion when […]
Me: I’ll take 10 pounds of good will. Clerk: We don’t sell that. Me: But it’s the name of this store. Clerk: Me:*tips over clothes rack* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 14, 2014 If you […]