Posts Tagged ‘ toddlers ’

Warning signs you may be experiencing Kronic Incessant Disorder Syndrome (KIDS)

November 3, 2015
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Over the past 50 years, throughout North America there has been an explosion of reported cases of Kronic Incessant Disorder Syndrome (better known by its acronym, KIDS). No socio-demographic group has been spared by this…

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Unicorn Bites #508

September 26, 2014
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My 4-year-old daughter wants anything she sees in a commercial. Today I had to explain to her why I can’t get her Viagra. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 23, 2014 Navy recruiter: Any experience at…

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Unicorn Bites 8/12/14

August 14, 2014
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My recent Google searches: calories burned sitting calories burned chewing gum calories burned vigorously chewing gum pie recipes — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2014 2-year-old: *mumbles* Me: What did she say? 4-year-old: She said…

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Unicorn Bites 8/4/14

August 5, 2014
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Parenthood status: I can no longer distinguish between memories from my own life and scenes from “Frozen.” — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014 I don’t know how you can consider yourself an adult if…

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Unicorn Bites 7/4/14

July 5, 2014
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[firework goes off] 2-year-old: *screams in terror* Wife: She hates it. Pick her up. Me: I don’t hold communists. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 5, 2014 Today we’re driving across four states with three kids…

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Unicorn Bites 6/29/14

June 30, 2014
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The only bad time for cheese is SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH THERE IS NO BAD TIME. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2014 Second marriages: because every good horror movie deserves a sequel — Exploding…

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Unicorn Bites 6/13/14

June 14, 2014
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Me: Do you want a ponytail for our trip to the zoo? 4-year-old: No. A lion will eat it. Safety first. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2014 I’ve done a great job educating my…

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Unicorn Bites 5/30/14

May 31, 2014
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4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014 Me:…

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Unicorn Bites 5/17/14

May 18, 2014
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If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014 I stopped caring about fashion when…

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Unicorn Bites 5/14/14

May 14, 2014
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Unicorn Bites 5/14/14

Me: I’ll take 10 pounds of good will. Clerk: We don’t sell that. Me: But it’s the name of this store. Clerk: Me:*tips over clothes rack* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 14, 2014 If you…

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