4-year-old: Can I cut your hair? Me: No. Why’d you even ask that? 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to sleep? After this, never.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014
Me: Why’s there a fish on your car? Him: Because Jesus is always with me M: In your trunk? H: No, h- M: HANG ON JESUS! I’LL GET YOU OUT!
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014
I had to go to work because my pregnant wife didn’t give birth today. That kid is on my bad side already.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014
Me: I found your sandals. 2-year-old: I wanted to find them! Me: Just put them on. We’re already super late. 2: Me: *re-hides sandals*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2014
4-year-old: Daddy, you’re more bester! Me: It’s “better” or “best.” 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: Never mind. You’re only OK.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2014