If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014
I stopped caring about fashion when I realized shoes with lights on the bottom don’t come in adult sizes.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014
Me: How much beer do you think we’ll need for the kids’ joint birthday party today? Wife: They’re 4 and 2. Me: *buys three more cases*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014
Priest: You need to donate more Me: Why? Is God building a pool? Priest: Of course not I can’t worship a God who doesn’t even have a pool
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014
I asked my wife one simple question and now she’s all like “Why do you want to know if llama fur is flammable?” I can’t tell her anything.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014
