Parenthood status: I can no longer distinguish between memories from my own life and scenes from “Frozen.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014
I don’t know how you can consider yourself an adult if you don’t have a strong opinion about which Ninja Turtle is the best.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014
The “Ghostbusters” theme song came on the radio and my wife changed the station. Now we’re going through a messy divorce.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014
By: JD Hancock 
My 2-year-old daughter is wandering around the house saying, “Get away from me!” She’s already a teenager.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014
4-year-old: Can I ask you something? Me: Of course. 4: What happens if an angel farts on you? Me: 4: Me: 4: Me: *Googles it*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2014