Is it “for fuck’s sake” or “for fuck sake?” I need it to be grammatically correct because it’s my turn to say grace at Thanksgiving.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2013
3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me*
Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt?
Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2013
I wish I could live in my 3-year-old’s world for a day. She still thinks we went into our basement during the storm to hide from a tomato.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2013
Being an adult means the rules from childhood no longer apply.
*runs with scissors*
*dies*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2013
Pregnant wife: I want BBQ chips
Me: You’ll throw them up
W: GIVE ME THE DAMN CHIPS
*eats chips*
*throws up*
It’s like watching me drink
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 20, 2013
You just reminded me that we don’t even have a tomato shelter…and we live in Kansas!
You crack me up!