I’d be the best character in any horror movie.
*sees something supernatural*
*drives away and never comes back*
*lives forever*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013
I swerved to avoid a stray cat on the road. To the surprise of no one, I’m naturally skilled at avoiding pussy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013
My 3-year-old said she wants her first car to be a garbage truck. She’ll forget about it, but I’m still getting her one when she turns 16.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013
My dad was looking for Catholic music. I told him to download everything by Judas Priest. Now I wait.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013
Ladies, if you must manipulate your men, at least use the right methods. Reverse psychology is way less effective than reverse cowgirl.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 9, 2013