Door-to-door Christian guy: Have you been saved by Jesus? Me: Can he save me from this conversation? Him: *leaves* Me: Praise the Lord!
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014
Miley Cyrus is an inspiration to men everywhere. She motivates us to get our shit together so our daughters don’t turn out like her.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014
By: Melissa Rose I bet the horse in the song “A Horse with No Name” actually had a name. The guy was just embarrassed he crossed the desert on Buttercup.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014
3-year-old: Can we make a jelly man? Me: What’s that? 3: A snowman made from jelly. Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: *buys 100 jars of jelly*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014
I have a magic wand in my pants that creates miniature people. *adds “wizard” to résumé*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2014
By: Dylan Otto Krider 