Wife: Do I need to wear makeup today? Me: Nah. Nobody’s going to look at you Wife: Me: I mean you’re pretty without it Wife: Nailed it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2014
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By: Pete
4-year-old: If peas are good for me, why do they taste bad? Me: Otherwise you’d eat them all and become too powerful.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2014
4-year-old daughter: What’s a pole dance? Me: A dance with someone from Poland.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
By: Francisco Osorio Me: Why are you staring at me? 4 y.o.: I’m waiting for you to do something interesting. Me: 4: Me: 4: Maybe I’ll watch the dog instead.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2014
4-year-old: I’ll give you a quarter if I can stay up longer. Me: I can’t be bribed. 4: 35 cents. Me: 4: Me: You have half an hour.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
From http://t.co/RcDTQy3VFN 4/21/14: pic.twitter.com/4GqztJIbdp
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) October 8, 2014
Unicorn Bites #560
