The Place to Take a Humor Break
2-year-old: I don’t want to eat my pork chop! Me: Name one thing that’s wrong with it. 2-year-old: It’s not pizza. Touché. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014 500,000 teens followed a random Target […]
Boss: Why is your 5-year plan just a blank page with “wing it” written in purple crayon? Me: I couldn’t find my red one. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2014 I believe in giving […]
Me: What do bunnies eat? 4-year-old: Grass. Me: What do lions eat? 4: Meat. Me: What do eagles eat? 4: Freedom. Damn right. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014 4-year-old: Why aren’t we driving? […]
Me: I could survive alone in the woods. Wife: You left a picnic early because you forgot your ChapStick. I’m not an animal. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2014 4-year-old: Does this movie have […]
2-year-old:*wakes me up* What’s that sound? Me: What sound? 2: A taco Me: 2 Me:*grabs baseball bat* There’s a fucking taco in my house — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2014 [at church] 4-year-old: This […]
Me: What did I tell you about being bad?! 4-year-old: Don’t leave any witnesses. I guess she does listen. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014 Coworker: I don’t like chocolate or bacon. Me: Interesting. […]
4-year-old: Why am I not in your wedding pictures? Me: You were born 3 years later. 4: *cries because we didn’t invite her* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014 Me: That lady is driving […]
4-year-old: There’s a shark in my closet. Me: He’d die without water 4: Then he’s a ghost shark Me: *stays the hell away from the closet* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2014 Therapist: Before […]
4-year-old: Why do you get sad when you get the mail? Me: It’s nothing but bills. 4: You should tell Bill to stop writing you letters. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 6, 2014 Girls posts […]
4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014 4-year-old: Dad? Me: What? I’m […]