2-year-old: I don’t want to eat my pork chop! Me: Name one thing that’s wrong with it. 2-year-old: It’s not pizza. Touché.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014
500,000 teens followed a random Target employee because he kind of looks like Justin Bieber. America’s voting age should be raised to 35.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014
4-year-old: Can you play any instruments? Me: The air guitar. *does a wicked solo* 4: Me: 4: Does Mom know you’re like this?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014
Me: We’re not out of the woods yet. 4-year-old: We’re not in the woods. Me: It’s just a saying. 4: Is a saying another word for a lie?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014
Me: Who do you think you’ll marry when you grow up? 4-year-old daughter: Legos. That’ll be one kickass wedding.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/12/14: pic.twitter.com/sJuodRgzWz
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 28, 2014