Unicorn Bites #516
4-year-old: Grown-ups can do what they want Me: Yup 4: Why don’t you eat pizza for every meal? Me: 4: Me:*takes a hard look at my life* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014 4-year-old: […]
Tag: four year old
Unicorn Bites #515
4-year-old: Are you smart? Me: Yes 4: Why did Mom say you’re not? Me: She didn’t like me cooking popcorn in the dryer as much as you did. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites #514
How to grow a ghost chili: 1) Grow a regular chili. 2) Murder it. This is why people unfollow me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014 My mom: Your brother got another promotion. Me: […]
Unicorn Bites 9/20/14
I don’t care what the vet says. If your dog weighs less than 10 pounds, it’s a cat. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014 4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you make milk for the baby? […]
Unicorn Bites 9/18/14
I don’t need some metrosexual fashion magazine to tell me how to dress. I’m a real man. My wife dresses me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2014 Telemarketer: Am I speaking to the man […]
Unicorn Bites 9/13/14
4-year-old: These taste funny. Me: They’re not candy. They’re decorative soaps. 4: Me: STOP EATING THEM. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2014 Me: Be good and I’ll give you a Fudgsicle 4-year-old: Give me […]
Unicorn Bites 9/12/14
4-year-old daughter: These shoes are slippery. They make me fall. Me: Then why do you wear them? 4: They’re pretty. She’s already a woman — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 12, 2014 Me: I told you […]
Unicorn Bites 9/6/14
Some days I’m blown away by how much my 4-year-old knows about the world. Other days I have to explain why she shouldn’t lick random people — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014 4-year-old: Will […]
Unicorn Bites 9/3/14
4-year-old: I said I wanted ice in my cup! Me: I put it in there an hour ago. It melted. 4: Things don’t just disappear! My sanity did. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 8/27/14
My 2-year-old ran full-speed into a closed door, so, yes, I’m sure she’s mine. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 27, 2014 Me: *sits up in bed* What if Smokey Bear is the one who’s been […]