Unicorn Bites 7/28/14
4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 28, […]
Tag: four year old
Unicorn Bites 7/27/14
4-year-old: There’s a green monster behind you! Me: I don’t see it 4: He’s invisible Me: How do you know he’s green? 4: I’m a scientist. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2014 4-year-old: Can […]
Unicorn Bites 7/10/14
4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you wear makeup? Me: Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy. 4: Do you like to be ugly? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 10, 2014 4-year-old: Will you buy me […]
Unicorn Bites 7/9/14
Boss: How long were you in the bathroom? Me: Not long. Boss: The motion-sensing lights shut off on you. Me: I noticed that when I woke up — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2014 What […]
Unicorn Bites 7/8/14
Me: Ready for a bath? 4-year-old: Only if you promise I won’t get wet. Me: 4: Me: I can’t do that. 4: Why don’t you love me? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2014 *picture […]
Unicorn Bites 7/5/14
Baby: *makes a horrific snarling grimace that looks like she’s going to eat my soul* My wife: Aww, she’s smiling. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 5, 2014 Cop: Do you know why I pulled you […]
Unicorn Bites 6/26/14
Me: I’m vacuuming. I’ll close the door so I don’t bother you. Wife: Thanks. Me: *turns on vacuum* *takes a nap* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 26, 2014 4-year-old: How do birds fly? Me: Their […]
Unicorn Bites 6/22/14
[in church] Me: Stop crying or I’ll take you outside. 2-year-old: *keeps crying* Me: *takes her outside* *gives her $1* *opens Twitter* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 22, 2014 4-year-old: I’m fighting sharks in space! […]
Unicorn Bites 6/9/14
4-year-old: *knocks on bathroom door* Where are you? Me: In the bathroom 4: What are you doing? Me: What do you think? 4: Hiding. Bingo — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2014 4-year-old: Is Mommy […]
Unicorn Bites 6/7/14
My 4-year-old threw a temper tantrum because I can’t give her snow powers like Elsa in “Frozen.” There’s no end to my failings as a father. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 7, 2014 4-year-old daughter: […]