Me: Ready for a bath? 4-year-old: Only if you promise I won’t get wet. Me: 4: Me: I can’t do that. 4: Why don’t you love me?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2014
*picture falls off the wall* Me: Our house is haunted Wife: No you hung the picture wrong b/c you suck at everything Me:*buys holy water*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2014
4-year-old: What’s that noisy thing in the sink? Me: The garbage disposal. Why? 4: No reason. Me: 4: I need six new Barbies.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2014
4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2014
If the relationship doesn’t end with at least one suspicious fire, it wasn’t really love.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2014