A Place At The Table Of The New Order Awaits The One Who Can Accomplish This Task

If anyone can tell me how to make Google show no pictures of Bon Jovi, there’ll be a place for you at the Table of the New Order.

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Unicorn Bites 4/28/14

My 1-year-old thinks her name is “Go watch TV,” so, yes, I’d say I’m a good parent. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2014 Me: That milk came from a cow. 3-year-old: What animal did […]

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Unicorn Bites 1/28/14

Coworker: Can you jump my car? Me: Probably. I can jump pretty high. Coworker: I’ll ask someone else. Me: Is it because I’m white? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 28, 2014 1-year-old: *takes my ChapStick* […]

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Unicorn Bites 12/26/13

Me: Where’s Ken? 3-year-old daughter: He broke up with Barbie. Then a T. rex ate him. I pity any boy who ever dates my little girl. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 26, 2013 […]

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Unicorn Bites 12/16/13

3-year-old: My feet are cold. Me: Why did you take off your socks? 3: Daddy, you’re not helping. Me and my useless, unrelated questions. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 16, 2013 Wife: You’re […]

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