4-year-old: I said I wanted ice in my cup! Me: I put it in there an hour ago. It melted. 4: Things don’t just disappear! My sanity did.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014
4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you wear skirts? Me: I’m a boy. 4: Who told you that?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014
Me: I’m the most handsome man you’ve met Wife: You’re not even the most handsome man in this room M: We’re alone W: I’m counting the dog.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014
No one has ever said, “Don’t worry, I learned how to do this on the Internet,” and lived.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2014
Me: I’m a gourmet French chef. Wife: Me: I made French fries. Wife: Me: I bought French fries at the drive thru Wife: Me: They’re cold
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014
