I don’t care what the vet says. If your dog weighs less than 10 pounds, it’s a cat.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014
4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you make milk for the baby? Me: Boys can’t do that. 4: Are you broken?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014
4-year-old: I’m scared of the dark. Me: *hands her a flashlight* Do you know how to use it? 4: If a monster comes, I’ll smack him with it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2014
Women are in the mood when they are: 1) well rested 2) secure 3) emotionally connected Men are the in the mood when they are: 1) alive
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014
Me: Every dad wants the same thing for his kids Wife: For them to be happy & healthy? Me: For them to shut the hell up while he watches TV
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrqMm1 2/20/14: pic.twitter.com/BhUUaWYdhq
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 13, 2014