Some days I’m blown away by how much my 4-year-old knows about the world. Other days I have to explain why she shouldn’t lick random people
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014
4-year-old: Will you ever love me more? Me: I already love you as much as I possibly can. 4: I’d love you more if you bought a pool.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014
Me: I ran like six miles today. Wife: Where? Me: On Call of Duty. Wife: Me: My finger is so tired from holding the “sprint” button.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014
4-year-old: *wakes up* I heard something. Me: It was the dog moving around. 4: What if it’s an alligator? Me: *sleeps with the lights on*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014
4-year-old: Can we have cupcakes? Me: It’s time for bed. 4: There’s never a bad time for cupcakes. Fuck. I guess I’m baking cupcakes.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014