I asked my 4-year-old to draw a chicken. She drew four nuggets and a bottle of ketchup.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
Me: I did the dishes. Wife: You put one cup in the dishwasher. Me: Wife: It was Styrofoam.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
Me: *drops off 4-year-old at daycare* Give me a hug goodbye. 4-year-old: No. Someone might see us.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
If you ever meet someone who says you’re perfect, walk away. They’re either a liar or an idiot.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
Me: Stop making that noise. The baby is asleep. 4-year-old: But I need to practice my wolf howls.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/19/14: pic.twitter.com/QKFt19MtpE
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) October 6, 2014