Me: Hold my hand when we cross the road 4-year-old: That’s not safe Me: Why? 4: If a car hits you, I won’t be able to jump out of the way
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2014
4-year-old: Why don’t we have a dragon? Me: They’re not real. 4: Do you not make enough money?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 10, 2014
What “I love you” means to- Newlyweds: I love you Couples married 10 years: I tolerate you Old married couples: I’m too lazy to kill you
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2014
Putting “air quotes” around “random words” makes you look like a “douchebag.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2014
If you don’t scream “Freedom!” like you’re William Wallace when you get home from work, you don’t take removing your pants seriously enough.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/15/14: pic.twitter.com/C6KLKM8X9E
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) December 7, 2014